Unforgiveness

I was recently together with some friends and we were discussing the issue of unforgiveness. It is one of the ugliest sins that a Christian can exhibit and also the unhealthiest. During my years as a pastor I counseled many believers who came to me due to various problems in their lives. Fortunately the Lord helped many of them but there was one type of individual that couldn't be helped. I need to point out that many who came did so for deliverance. In other words they recognized demonic activity in their lives and wanted it dealt with. There was however one type of person I couldn't help and that was the person who would not forgive. Jesus actually addresses those folks in Matthew 6:14, 15: "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses". I am not quite sure what the "hyper-Grace" teachers do with those verses but I take them very seriously.

Unforgiveness usually makes no sense after a period of time. A perfect example of this was a woman that came to us asking for deliverance ministry. My first question as it was with most people: "is there anyone you need to forgive?" The immediate answer was no, then a bit of hesitation and then a yes. Apparently she could not forgive her brother in Ireland who had gone ahead with funeral arrangements without getting her input. The mother had died and this brother decided to bury the mother on top of the father's casket. That was it! It had happened many years earlier but she never forgave this brother and they were not on speaking terms as a result. I explained the verse in Matthew and asked if I could pray for God to help her forgive her brother. The response was a very loud and abrupt NO! Remember that this was a born-again Christian woman who probably had trouble with demons because of her unforgiveness. At least that is what I felt God showing me. After several unsuccessful attempts to convince her of the importance of forgiving her brother, I suggested she come back when she was ready to forgive. As you can imagine, she now had two people to forgive.

I personally have a Christian couple who have chosen not to forgive me for something I said to them 15 years ago. Even after repeated attempts to ask for forgiveness they have refused to even discuss the matter. Someone once described unforgiveness as a safety blanket; as a way of getting back at the person who hurt you in some way. The truth of the matter is that unforgiveness hurts only one person in the end and that is the person holding on to the unforgiveness. As a pastor I preached on the topic at least 2 or 3 times a year in our church because I felt it was that important.

I don't lead a church anymore but as we head into the New Year, can I encourage each of you to examine your own hearts today. Whether or not you are Christian doesn't really matter because unforgiveness is unhealthy for everyone that practices it. If you are sitting there reading this and saying: "but you don't know what so and so did to me", you are right. I guarantee though that your unforgiveness is not bothering them even for a minute while it still eats away at you from time to time if not constantly. Bitterness is an ugly thing and it is a by-product of unforgiveness. You will attract other bitter folks but most will probably try to stay clear of you as much as possible.

Some of you have experienced terrible events in your personal lives perpetrated by other human beings. They may or may not have been punished for those acts but you need to stop allowing them to keep hurting you through your own unforgiveness. Rest in God and allow Him to bring healing to your soul. You owe it to yourself!